Tag: empathy

Our Mom’s Choice Gold Award

Barbara Gruener

I find it so serendipitous that our book earned a Mom’s Choice Gold Award on what would have been my mom’s 88th birthday. Sigh. If only I could share that news with her.

We are honored, grateful, and excited to be endorsed by the MCA family.

After returning to TX from WI, this week included visits with 10 classes to read the book and talk about the writing process with budding authors and illustrators in grades four and five at Bales Intermediate.

The visits all began by talking about selecting a theme – mine is empathy! – and jazzing it up a little with this poem I wrote using the hand-jive motions. Then we talk about choosing a topic, and I share the back story of the unfinished slippers that we found in my grandma Larsen’s closet at her passing, and how, some 15 years later, I was able to finish them and give them to my mom for her stay in the assisted living home.

After reading the story aloud with the illustrations projected on the big screen, I take questions and comments from our listening audience. How it makes my soul sing to hear their feelings, thoughts, and reflections about the text and McKenna’s heartfelt artwork. One young man told me that he noticed I used a lot of literary elements; another asked for my autograph.

In a fun twist, my illustrator was their Art teachers in the primary grades, so they already love her and know so much about using color to convey emotions and mood.

At the end, the most thoughtful thing happened: Mrs. Dixon presented me with a plate of Monster Cookies, from the recipe that she found in the back of the book.

It touched my heart so profoundly that she would not only bake for us, but make Gramma Emma’s cookies. She’s walking the talk as she gives empathy, compassion, and kindness wings.

One last shot from a school visit that has imprinted itself on my heart …

… my wish for you, dear reader, is that you will forever be able to find and feel this kind of unbridled joy.

Second-Grade Superheroes

Barbara Gruener

Today I had the pleasure of visiting not one, but three classes of second-grade superheroes. The first two classes were classmates of my cousin’s son, Owen, in Grafton, WI. It was like a homecoming of sorts, because I was with them last year around this time to read Mr. Quigley’s Keys with them. Today I had the pleasure of sharing Knit Back Together.

Next stop, Mrs. Huber’s class in Cedarburg, WI, where I got to enJOY not only reading my book, but also sharing with them about the writing process, specifically the editing and revising step that some budding authors would rather skip.

I get it; I didn’t much care for the myriad edits that I kept on making, especially when they kept me up at night, but since I wanted the book to be the best that it could be, I kept on revising until I had it exactly the way it is now, two Focus Groups and so many versions later.

After falling for these incredible superhero friends, I left with a spring in my step and a request that they send pictures when they’d finished the coloring sheets we gave them.

Here now, their beautiful works of heart:

Slippers and smiles that exude their best-effort Dolphin pride.

Tomorrow, I’m off to another favorite, Howard Elementary near Green Bay.

As the sun sets on this incredible day, I’m counting my blessings . . .

. . . and that includes you, dear reader. Thank you for being a part of my journey.

Writing From The Heart

Barbara Gruener

Twenty years ago, a kind volunteer made this quilt for me as a school counselor, from the handprints of our son’s first-grade class family.

This week, I was invited to Mrs. Quigley’s first-grade class to talk about being an author, so I brought it along as a object for the lesson, to remind them that their hands and hearts are a huge part of their story, that they are a part of a whole, and that there are other hands and hearts in their stories. Who are they? I asked. Family, friends, siblings, grandparents, teachers, school counselors, principals, neighbors, coaches, teammates.

I had the pleasure of showing them my three books, talking about realistic fiction, then reading Knit Back Together aloud.

It was especially satisfying because my illustrator is their Art teacher, so they were super excited to see her artwork on the pages of our book. They knew exactly what she was doing with how the colors portrayed feelings, warmth, angst. One first grader even said, “Oh, she took away the color from this page because Levi is feeling empty inside.” How profound is that?

After we read, I gave them each a heart sticker, a page from the book to put on their writing journals …

… as a reminder to always write from the heart.

It left my bucket overflowing to share my stories with these Can-Doers.

Oh, and this past week I updated my Facebook page, so click {here} for all things SEL and charACTer education.

Birthday Swag

Barbara Gruener

It’s officially September, which means it’s our new book’s birthday month!

This time around, I thought it might be fun to celebrate with some swag, so I enlisted Daisy to make me some stickers.

What I didn’t know was that her mom would throw in some custom magnets and her sister Cecily would surprise me with some buttons, and I’m so grateful for their kindness and generosity.

So now all we need is for Amazon and B&N Online to let us know that it’s live and available for purchase. Fingers crossed that it’s this week.

In case you missed it on our home page, we’ve gotten some heart-felt reviews; check out these reflections from author and friend, Claire Noland.

KNIT {BACK} TOGETHER is a beautifully written and illustrated story of intergenerational love, remembrance, and friendship. This charming, heartwarming story is told in first person by Levi, a boy who has moved in with his grandmother. He feels safe and warm with Grams and loves their time together. Grams is a knitter and spends time creating gifts for others. She promised to teach her grandson to knit but, sadly, that day never came as she became ill and was gone too soon.

Lost and flooded with unfamiliar emotions, Levi struggles but learns that his new class has a knitting corner. Frances, a classmate, offers to teach him to knit, and though he’s reluctant, he agrees to try as he remembers Grams’ encouraging words to be patient, never panic and pull. Grams wise words guide him through a difficult encounter with a bully and help him to forge new friendships. When he and his Frances donate their joint project, Levi comes to truly understand what Grams meant when she called knitting for others heart work.

Five reasons you need to add KNIT {BACK} TOGETHER to your bookshelves:

Grief is handled sensitively in a way that speaks right to the heart of a child who has lost their guiding light and must deal with sadness and difficult emotions.

Knitting is a central feature of this lovely story showing how knitting creates a sense of calm peace and is a way to share kindness and develop connections. Knitted objects become expressions of love, or as Grams would say, works of heart.

The importance of passing on wisdom and love shines through on every page of this special story.

The backmatter is extensive with suggestions for starting a knitting club and a recipe for Gramma Emma’s Monster Cookies -yum!

There is a special section on practical ways to help grieving children by giving them the tools they need when dealing with loss.

KNIT {BACK} TOGETHER is a wonderful story that is meant to be read and shared together and perhaps will encourage readers to take up knitting. ~ Claire Noland, MSLIS, Children’s Book Author, Speaker, Field Trip Planner

Don’t you love that she’s a Field Trip Planner? I think that’s a fun addition to a byline.

Check out the home page for other reviews and to read a brief synopsis.

I’m booking author visits and virtual read-alouds for this Fall now, so do let me know if you’d like me to work with your school family.

Happy September, dear reader.

Where Everybody Knows Your Name

Barbara Gruener

So today I’m thinking about my name, in part because of the message on my Starbucks cup yesterday. First and foremost, it’s a sweet compliment, for sure. I love my SB baristas and we have such a playful relationship as I frequent the place. Being there actually feels a bit like the 1980’s television sitcom Cheers, when Norm walks through the doors and they all yell, “Norm!“

The magic of those moments made Norm feel like he belonged there, on that same bar stool, where he was among friends! It’s kind of like that when I go to my local Starbucks.

So it makes me feel really special when they write on my cup, a small gesture, I know, but a tiny thing that feels big to me, and I’m grateful.

Now, here’s where the conflict comes in. You know what a barb is, right? I looked it up and capture a screen shot, so we can see why Barb isn’t my first choice.

I touch on it in Birdie & Mipps, when Mipps asks if Birdie is a nickname for Barbara.

To be fair, it is a common practice in Wisconsin (perhaps all of the midwest?) to shorten names; in my family of origin Timothy became Tim, Barbara was Barb and Debra went by Deb. That’s just how it was, really until I moved to Texas and my mentor Cynthia called me Barbara. It sounded so elegant, so Southern, so fancy when she’d say it, and for the first time in almost three decades, I liked the sound of my name, which didn’t sound like a barb on a fence when Cynthia said it.

So, in my 30s, I changed it back to Barbara. But close family and friends, especially those from back home, still call me Barb and that’s endearing, but when I meet someone new, I don’t care to be known as Barb.

Monikers matter, so if you meet a Barbara, instead of dropping three letters from her name, ask her first if she goes by Barbara, Barb, Barbie or something else. It’ll honor her in ways you may not be able to imagine, until you get the backstory.

It just feels good to hang out with people who know your {preferred} name.

Meaningful Author Connections

Barbara Gruener

Today I’m feeling called to talk about connections, sparked by this Amazon review.

Just a few days into the new year, while I was at my childhood home caring for my Stepmom as she was dying, I received an email from a reader. Here’s a part of it.

Hello, how are you? My name is Michelle … I am a teacher in NJ. I have been teaching in the same town & school for 22 years … I absolutely love Mr. Quigley’s Keys … I am currently teaching 3rd grade and I LOVE reading to my class. We read 1-2 stories a day and I feel they are picking up a stronger passion for reading. Every month the students pick their favorite read aloud that I have read over the entire month to find the winner for our classroom. We call it “Bookflix” of the month.  Every March, I do the same thing but we make it like a tournament of books and each book battles another to make it through to the next bracket. We do this to celebrate March Madness with the NCAA basketball.

Well, being a relatively new basketball fan because of Caitlin Clark‘s days at Iowa, I think it’s soooooo cool to imagine Mr. Quigley’s Keys in a March Madness bracket. As you might imagine, it gave me great pleasure to send her class family a signed copy of Keys. I’ve also offered a virtual author visit, so, who knows? I might even get to meet them. Eeeeeeeek!

Michelle ended her letter with this: I look forward to hearing  from you if you have any time. I love telling my class I spoke to a REAL author. Thank you for taking the time to read this.

Now here’s the thing: I will never forget the day that Phillip Hoose of Hey, Little Ant fame first emailed me. He’d enjoyed a blog post that I wrote about his rhyming “to squish or not to squish” treasure, and he invited me to write an article and submit it to Teaching Tolerance Magazine. I did, and it was not only accepted, but it was my first payment for a piece I’d scribed. My first author gig, if you will. Oh sure, I’d been writing for as long as I can remember, but getting paid for my words felt like next level, for sure.

Our friends Tricycle Press decided to put an excerpt from that article on the back of the hardback books 8th edition and beyond, and it felt so dreamy. Download a teachers’ guide from the publisher {here}.

Then when we invited Phil to come to Friendswood from the East Coast and lead a Family Character Night we hoped to call “Picnic With The Author Of Ant,” we were over-the-moon with delight that he agreed. Families brought their dinners to our gym, spread out their picnic blankets, and ate dinner while Phil lead a good old-fashioned Sing Along and then a read aloud of his blockbuster book.

So, Michelle, I can still feel what it feels like to hear back from an author, and I, for one, am grateful that you followed your heart and made this meaningful connection with me. Oh, and not that I’m uber competitive or anything, but I do so hope that Keys does well in your 3rd-grade March Madness bracket. 🔑💜🗝️

Leaning Into #Leadership

Barbara Gruener

Today I’m excited because this podcast episode with my publisher dropped first thing this morning. What a fun way to kick off the week of Christmas 2024.

It can be a little daunting to record a visit without knowing the questions ahead of time, but that’s exactly what I did with my Character Speaks podcast, to keep it fresh. I loved the authenticity and vulnerability of the on-the-spot responses that always came straight from the heart. Our visit is about 45 minutes long, so lace up your walking shoes and listen in on what we have to say about our leadership practices, habits and recommendations.

Spoiler alert: Darrin does get a little emotional at the end, a podcast first for this leadership guru!

Speaking of emotional, I just returned from WI, where I had not only a lovely early Christmas with my extended family, but also a chance to visit with two first-grade class families and then two second-grade classes. At the first school, I got to read Mr. Quigley’s Keys.

I left them each with an empaKEY on a red string, to remind them that they hold the key to unlock hearts by listening and loving, sharing compassion and kindness.

The teacher realized that she’d forgotten to order one; thankfully I always carry extras!

After the visit, I received this kind affirmation from her:

Hello Barbara,

Your presentation was absolutely wonderful! I thorughly enjoyed it and the kids were so engaged! You have such a gift. Thank you for sharing it with us! I look forward to seeing your future books … maybe about Winthrop … maybe a whole series! 😉 The kids adored him!

Thank you again for sharing your holiday time with us. Have a very blessed Christmas and a peaceful New Year.

In His Service, Deanne

Who’s Winthrop, you ask?

He’s the bird that helps me set the stage for my empathy explanation since that’s one of the themes of Birdie & Mipps. Don’t you just love how the two girls on the left are responding to him? Perhaps he does need a book of his own … hmmmmm.

In the middle of our read-aloud, one of the boys wondered aloud: “Hey, is this a personal narrative?” Then he added, “Wait, are you the girl?”

I gave this group each a sticker with a cardinal on it and we talked about what the American male cardinal is said to represent.

On his way to recess, one boy showed his teacher his sticker and said, “I’ll use this to remember my dad.” Be still my soul.

So many text-to-self connections that morning; you just never know how each reader will engage and respond, and what they will take away and remember from the story and the visit.

And that’s how I’ve been leaning into leadership lately.

Thank you for visiting my blog today; do let me know if ever I can visit the superheroes in your class family either in person or via Zoom.

Extension Activities

Barbara Gruener

Happy December; to celebrate the holiday season, I’m making enrichment resources for my books. Click {here} to download this Birdie & Mipps word search and look to find most of the words are vertical or horizontal.

I used to make my word puzzles by hand, when I first taught Spanish in the 1980s. I really thought it was a great way to get in some vocabulary repetitions, seeing and searching for those words in both languages. Now there are many freebie worksheet generators online, and I’m grateful.

Click {here} to download the Mr. Quigley’s Keys word search and look for this one to have a diagonal word or two as well as vertical and horizontal ones.

As always, the natural next thing is to ask your learners to create their own word searches, either by hand or using a worksheet maker like this one.

If you’d like to gift a signed copy of any of my three books, I’ve now got them all in stock and would be happy to send them your way.

Before you go, check out my reflections on The Cost of Kindness at Character.org. I scored a 83 on the KQ (Kindness Quotient) questionnaire.

What’s your KQ?

Dear {Younger} Me

Barbara Gruener

For as long as I can remember, I’ve been a writer. My earliest memory is that my first-and-second grade teacher, Miss Natzke, used writing as a behavior-management strategy, to get me to quit interrupting her. Writing is, after all, just talking on paper. And I’m still so grateful.

I’ve got diaries that date back to elementary school and countless letters from coveted pen-pal friendships. Not only was writing a vehicle to whisk me away off of the family farm to the outside world, but it became a therapeutic resource for my personal and professional reflection and growth.

Today, my heart remembers my colleague Jim Fazen, the English teacher who mentored me in my first year out of college, forty years ago. I only stayed at that school one year, but we stayed friends (and Pen Pals) for four decades, until his passing earlier this year. As I think through the things I wish I’d have known all those years ago as a newbie educator under Jim’s tutelage, I’ve decided to update a Dear-Me letter I first drafted a dozen years ago.

Dear Me {Version 2.3},

Congratulations on becoming a teacher; what excitement and pride you must feel at the prospect of positively nourishing and nurturing, stretching and shaping the hearts and minds of our future even as you help them acquire English and Spanish skills.

As you start out, think about what you want former students to say about you at your retirement party and spend your days doing exactly that. Maybe it’ll be something like “She always smiled at us!” or “I love the way she made us feel.” Make those things a part of your daily routine. Be intentional. Make sure that people who cross your path know that they matter to you, because in the end, what will matter most are the connections and relationships that you’ve made and helped foster. They might even say something like this: I want to be just like you when I grow up. Crazy, right? True story: They are always watching you. Be the role model they need.

Find a mentor to walk alongside you and be a sounding board as you make your way into the world as a hope-dealer. Be a lifelong learner. Ask questions, lots of them, even when your counseling mentor says “I didn’t take you to raise.” Don’t take that too seriously; she really does love helping you be your best self. Soak in the wisdom of those who have gone before you. Then, when you’re ready, return the favor and be the mentor. Resist the urge to go it alone; there’s so much more strength in collaboration. Don’t forget that you have to teach people how to treat you. Make sure to do whatever it takes to advocate for yourself and communicate your needs.

Celebrate who your students are, each one special, each one unique. Work to individualize and differentiate to help them become who they’re meant to be. Give them ownership of their learning by turning some stuff over to them.  Ask yourself: Are my lessons for me or for them?  Where can I let go of the reigns? How can I foster voice and choice as I equip and empower them? Help them become the kind of leader they would follow, then get out of their way and trust them enough to let them lead.

Get to know your colleagues and their backstories. Listen to understand. Don’t shy away from courageous conversations; it’ll show people that you’re invested and that you care. Sometimes you’ll have to agree to disagree. Confront problems but carefront people.  Pick your battles and don’t sweat the small stuff. Trust me; you’ll need your energy for the big stuff.

Reach out to parents and community stakeholders. Invite them to be a part of your school family. Place day-maker phone calls so that they know how excited you are that their child is in your class and what you love about them. Do your level best to see your students through their caregivers’ eyes. Look for ways to make each one your favorite. Sometimes that’ll seem so easy; other times you won’t think there’s anything that could possibly make that child your favorite. Keep looking. Go deeper. Mine for it. It’ll be worth it; you’ll see. They are working in progress, diamonds in the rough. Help polish them until they know they have what it takes to shine like the sun. Even when it’s dark. Especially when it’s dark. 

Let go of your perfectionistic, people-pleasing tendencies and accept that there will be people who don’t like you and times when you’re going to mess up. It’ s okay. Apologize and forgive willingly. Lavish grace on yourself and others, then celebrate those mistakes as learning opportunities. Stay vulnerable and keep a growth mindset. There’s no obstacle you can’t overcome and no achievement that you can’t accomplish.

Show empathy, compassion and kindness to each and every learner. Step into their stories and be there with them. Sometimes that’ll be easy; other times it’ll be a really sad, sorrowful journey to take, over incredibly rocky terrain, in some shoes battered by trauma, grief and loss. That’s why it’ll be important, really important, that you connect with them, feel with them, help them heal. Then, at the end of the day on those really difficult days, make sure to physically and emotionally close every door between school and home so that their pain doesn’t follow you to the house.

Be passionate about your purpose and enthusiastic about your calling. Work hard to make things fun and engaging for yourself, your students and your school family, but don’t say yes to every opportunity that comes your way. You get about sixteen hours a day and it’s up to you to use that time wisely. Eat healthy foods, get a good night’s sleep, and exercise routinely so you have the physical and emotional stamina to go the distance. Feeding your spiritual side is also critical; consider guided imagery, body scans, nature walks, prayer or yoga stretches.

You cannot serve from an empty vessel, so take good care of yourself, mind, body, heart and soul.

Strive for personal best. Show up on time and be prepared. Dream big but be willing to take baby steps to get there. Patience always pays off. Make it a point to be in the right place at the right time doing the right thing. When you don’t know what that is, ask. Surround yourself with people of good character and they’ll always be there to help you when you get stuck.

Start every day with gratitude and end it satisfied that who you are and what you accomplished is more than enough. Use a mindfulness mantra as a daily touchstone: I’ve done enough. I have enough. I am enough. Keep a gratitude journal and write notes telling people that you’re thankful for them and explaining why. Make thankfulness a verb.

Live generously. Volunteer, serve, and donate. You’ll end up bountifully blessed in ways that you can’t even imagine right now. Savor every minute of these first few years and make the most of this amazing opportunity. Enjoy being the hero that you needed as a child and keep on crusading for good. Above all, your students will remember how they felt when they were in your presence. Light up for them; it’s a gift that will stay with them long after they’re no longer in your class family (even though they will always be yours!).

Finally, keep on singing, dancing, laughing, and praying your way through life. Time is non-refundable and life is too short to not live it wholeheartedly and with unbridled energy and love.

Be blessed as you bless,

Barbara {Version 6.3}

Giving Empa-KEYS

Barbara Gruener

This evening, I spent time stringing 40 vintage keys for the first-grade classes on my next author visit.

During my 40-minute visit, we’ll discuss empathy, one of the themes in Birdie & Mipps, and I’ll point out that empathy is key to connecting with someone by heart. I’ll refer to the key I’ll be wearing as my key reminder, which I also use to illustrate how authors play with words and sometimes even make new words, like calling my necklace an empa-KEY. They giggle and then get so excited to know that I’ve brought one for each of them, all different in shape and size, just like us. So fun, just like this comic that my friend Liz sent my way this week.

In the book, I mention that when mom calls me Barb-a-ra-Suz-anne, that likely means that she’s angry or frustrated with me, so this makes me smile.

Know what else makes me smile? Last week, a family that I babysat for during college 40 years ago reached out to inquire about the best place to buy a copy of Birdie & Mipps. I told her that I’d be happy to send a copy, so that I could sign it for them. Our longstanding and close relationship is one that I treasure, for sure, so I sent priority mail their way, complete with the book and a cardinal ornament. This beautiful text came in on Friday.

Words have power; I am, at once, grateful and humbled by Barb’s kind affirmations. That’s right, she and I share the same name, another way that we are connected. The gift of her friendship and love for four decades way outweighs what she felt was my generosity in sending them a book. A win-win, for sure.

Kindness doesn’t have to be a grand gesture to be great. Share a story. Send a text. Or, like what happened to me this afternoon, pick up the phone and Facetime a former teacher, a neighbor, a Grammy, an old friend. You may not know whether they’re running on empty, but I’ll guarantee that it’ll fill their emotional reserve right up and make them want to return the love in kind.

Kind words are keys that unlock all doors; they’re also a beautiful blanket that warms our world.

As we inch our way toward Thanksgiving 2024, how will you express kindness and gratitude this week? Who has shown empathy, compassion, and kindness toward you?