Tag: gratitude

March Wellness

Barbara Gruener

You’ve undoubtedly heard of March Madness, but today I’m thinking about March Wellness after flying to Wisconsin to co-present a WellBEing growth session at the LACCS Character Conference.

Wait, is taking in a sunrise over Texas an act of self-care? I’m going with yes on that one, because it certainly fed my soul to watch this beauty unfold out of my window of that early-morning Southwest flight to Milwaukee.

We started our session with an improv in character from the movie Inside Out 2; here, I’m warming up to play the role of Anger, who’s mad because she can’t find her bodyguard, Sadness.

It was great fun to engage our audience in this way! Next, we went through some activities and tools to add to the self-compassion and wellness arsenal of these passionate educators.

Who needs a head hug?

Finally, we invited participants to take a look at what’s on their plate, literally and figuratively, as we created self-care wheels complete with strategies that will nourish us mind, body, and spirit.

I continue to delight in opportunities like this one to plant seeds of inspiration and love in the hearts and souls of leaders who are still in the schoolhouse doing the holy work day after day, shaping the hearts and minds of our true national treasure, our kids.

Click {here} if you’d like to read more reflections about my March trip home.

In another news, my favorite laptop turned one and is she ever a little sponge!

Need another wellness idea? Grab your favorite toddler and ask her to bring you a book, then savor the silliness and pure, unadulterated joy of reading in tandum.

It might just be more happiness (and wellness!) than your heart can stand.

Extension Activities

Barbara Gruener

Happy December; to celebrate the holiday season, I’m making enrichment resources for my books. Click {here} to download this Birdie & Mipps word search and look to find most of the words are vertical or horizontal.

I used to make my word puzzles by hand, when I first taught Spanish in the 1980s. I really thought it was a great way to get in some vocabulary repetitions, seeing and searching for those words in both languages. Now there are many freebie worksheet generators online, and I’m grateful.

Click {here} to download the Mr. Quigley’s Keys word search and look for this one to have a diagonal word or two as well as vertical and horizontal ones.

As always, the natural next thing is to ask your learners to create their own word searches, either by hand or using a worksheet maker like this one.

If you’d like to gift a signed copy of any of my three books, I’ve now got them all in stock and would be happy to send them your way.

Before you go, check out my reflections on The Cost of Kindness at Character.org. I scored a 83 on the KQ (Kindness Quotient) questionnaire.

What’s your KQ?

Dear {Younger} Me

Barbara Gruener

For as long as I can remember, I’ve been a writer. My earliest memory is that my first-and-second grade teacher, Miss Natzke, used writing as a behavior-management strategy, to get me to quit interrupting her. Writing is, after all, just talking on paper. And I’m still so grateful.

I’ve got diaries that date back to elementary school and countless letters from coveted pen-pal friendships. Not only was writing a vehicle to whisk me away off of the family farm to the outside world, but it became a therapeutic resource for my personal and professional reflection and growth.

Today, my heart remembers my colleague Jim Fazen, the English teacher who mentored me in my first year out of college, forty years ago. I only stayed at that school one year, but we stayed friends (and Pen Pals) for four decades, until his passing earlier this year. As I think through the things I wish I’d have known all those years ago as a newbie educator under Jim’s tutelage, I’ve decided to update a Dear-Me letter I first drafted a dozen years ago.

Dear Me {Version 2.3},

Congratulations on becoming a teacher; what excitement and pride you must feel at the prospect of positively nourishing and nurturing, stretching and shaping the hearts and minds of our future even as you help them acquire English and Spanish skills.

As you start out, think about what you want former students to say about you at your retirement party and spend your days doing exactly that. Maybe it’ll be something like “She always smiled at us!” or “I love the way she made us feel.” Make those things a part of your daily routine. Be intentional. Make sure that people who cross your path know that they matter to you, because in the end, what will matter most are the connections and relationships that you’ve made and helped foster. They might even say something like this: I want to be just like you when I grow up. Crazy, right? True story: They are always watching you. Be the role model they need.

Find a mentor to walk alongside you and be a sounding board as you make your way into the world as a hope-dealer. Be a lifelong learner. Ask questions, lots of them, even when your counseling mentor says “I didn’t take you to raise.” Don’t take that too seriously; she really does love helping you be your best self. Soak in the wisdom of those who have gone before you. Then, when you’re ready, return the favor and be the mentor. Resist the urge to go it alone; there’s so much more strength in collaboration. Don’t forget that you have to teach people how to treat you. Make sure to do whatever it takes to advocate for yourself and communicate your needs.

Celebrate who your students are, each one special, each one unique. Work to individualize and differentiate to help them become who they’re meant to be. Give them ownership of their learning by turning some stuff over to them.  Ask yourself: Are my lessons for me or for them?  Where can I let go of the reigns? How can I foster voice and choice as I equip and empower them? Help them become the kind of leader they would follow, then get out of their way and trust them enough to let them lead.

Get to know your colleagues and their backstories. Listen to understand. Don’t shy away from courageous conversations; it’ll show people that you’re invested and that you care. Sometimes you’ll have to agree to disagree. Confront problems but carefront people.  Pick your battles and don’t sweat the small stuff. Trust me; you’ll need your energy for the big stuff.

Reach out to parents and community stakeholders. Invite them to be a part of your school family. Place day-maker phone calls so that they know how excited you are that their child is in your class and what you love about them. Do your level best to see your students through their caregivers’ eyes. Look for ways to make each one your favorite. Sometimes that’ll seem so easy; other times you won’t think there’s anything that could possibly make that child your favorite. Keep looking. Go deeper. Mine for it. It’ll be worth it; you’ll see. They are working in progress, diamonds in the rough. Help polish them until they know they have what it takes to shine like the sun. Even when it’s dark. Especially when it’s dark. 

Let go of your perfectionistic, people-pleasing tendencies and accept that there will be people who don’t like you and times when you’re going to mess up. It’ s okay. Apologize and forgive willingly. Lavish grace on yourself and others, then celebrate those mistakes as learning opportunities. Stay vulnerable and keep a growth mindset. There’s no obstacle you can’t overcome and no achievement that you can’t accomplish.

Show empathy, compassion and kindness to each and every learner. Step into their stories and be there with them. Sometimes that’ll be easy; other times it’ll be a really sad, sorrowful journey to take, over incredibly rocky terrain, in some shoes battered by trauma, grief and loss. That’s why it’ll be important, really important, that you connect with them, feel with them, help them heal. Then, at the end of the day on those really difficult days, make sure to physically and emotionally close every door between school and home so that their pain doesn’t follow you to the house.

Be passionate about your purpose and enthusiastic about your calling. Work hard to make things fun and engaging for yourself, your students and your school family, but don’t say yes to every opportunity that comes your way. You get about sixteen hours a day and it’s up to you to use that time wisely. Eat healthy foods, get a good night’s sleep, and exercise routinely so you have the physical and emotional stamina to go the distance. Feeding your spiritual side is also critical; consider guided imagery, body scans, nature walks, prayer or yoga stretches.

You cannot serve from an empty vessel, so take good care of yourself, mind, body, heart and soul.

Strive for personal best. Show up on time and be prepared. Dream big but be willing to take baby steps to get there. Patience always pays off. Make it a point to be in the right place at the right time doing the right thing. When you don’t know what that is, ask. Surround yourself with people of good character and they’ll always be there to help you when you get stuck.

Start every day with gratitude and end it satisfied that who you are and what you accomplished is more than enough. Use a mindfulness mantra as a daily touchstone: I’ve done enough. I have enough. I am enough. Keep a gratitude journal and write notes telling people that you’re thankful for them and explaining why. Make thankfulness a verb.

Live generously. Volunteer, serve, and donate. You’ll end up bountifully blessed in ways that you can’t even imagine right now. Savor every minute of these first few years and make the most of this amazing opportunity. Enjoy being the hero that you needed as a child and keep on crusading for good. Above all, your students will remember how they felt when they were in your presence. Light up for them; it’s a gift that will stay with them long after they’re no longer in your class family (even though they will always be yours!).

Finally, keep on singing, dancing, laughing, and praying your way through life. Time is non-refundable and life is too short to not live it wholeheartedly and with unbridled energy and love.

Be blessed as you bless,

Barbara {Version 6.3}

Giving Empa-KEYS

Barbara Gruener

This evening, I spent time stringing 40 vintage keys for the first-grade classes on my next author visit.

During my 40-minute visit, we’ll discuss empathy, one of the themes in Birdie & Mipps, and I’ll point out that empathy is key to connecting with someone by heart. I’ll refer to the key I’ll be wearing as my key reminder, which I also use to illustrate how authors play with words and sometimes even make new words, like calling my necklace an empa-KEY. They giggle and then get so excited to know that I’ve brought one for each of them, all different in shape and size, just like us. So fun, just like this comic that my friend Liz sent my way this week.

In the book, I mention that when mom calls me Barb-a-ra-Suz-anne, that likely means that she’s angry or frustrated with me, so this makes me smile.

Know what else makes me smile? Last week, a family that I babysat for during college 40 years ago reached out to inquire about the best place to buy a copy of Birdie & Mipps. I told her that I’d be happy to send a copy, so that I could sign it for them. Our longstanding and close relationship is one that I treasure, for sure, so I sent priority mail their way, complete with the book and a cardinal ornament. This beautiful text came in on Friday.

Words have power; I am, at once, grateful and humbled by Barb’s kind affirmations. That’s right, she and I share the same name, another way that we are connected. The gift of her friendship and love for four decades way outweighs what she felt was my generosity in sending them a book. A win-win, for sure.

Kindness doesn’t have to be a grand gesture to be great. Share a story. Send a text. Or, like what happened to me this afternoon, pick up the phone and Facetime a former teacher, a neighbor, a Grammy, an old friend. You may not know whether they’re running on empty, but I’ll guarantee that it’ll fill their emotional reserve right up and make them want to return the love in kind.

Kind words are keys that unlock all doors; they’re also a beautiful blanket that warms our world.

As we inch our way toward Thanksgiving 2024, how will you express kindness and gratitude this week? Who has shown empathy, compassion, and kindness toward you?

Quilting the Personal Narrative

Barbara Gruener

Today I’m grateful for my mid-week visit to talk with these first graders about the process of writing. I used this t-shirt quilt as a hook, to illustrate how a personal narrative is all about capturing a bunch of magical moments and putting them into a mosaic like this patchwork throw of all of the character Ts that I wore during my 14 years working at their school alongside their teacher, Mrs. Quigley.

Listen in as these budding authors helped me out; their voices melt my heart.

What a booster shot of energy and joy help them on hooking their readers, whetting their appetites, and leaving them wanting more.

I also brought along my Pack rat puppet (see his tale sticking out of the bag?) to share how writing is basically spinning a tail, er, tale about what’s happening in our lives, how it looks, how it sounds, how it feels. We talked about getting playful with words and using them to shape your story, just like a potter creates with clay and they create with play-doh. They giggled and laughed, and it made my soul sing.

Then I read an essay that my son, Jacob, wrote at their age; they listened respectfully as I read his reflections on trustworthiness, then we worked together to help Jacob think of a stronger hook.

Do let me know if ever I can come to your class to inspire your learners.

What hook would you use to start YOUR personal narrative?

Belonging Matters

Barbara Gruener

Today I’ve been thinking about the gift of belonging after my friend Margaret texted me this picture of her school’s 2nd annual Literacy Night.

She shared this with me: “At our Literacy Night, each teacher was asked to pick their top five books parents should have in their homes for children to read. Your book made the pick for our second grade teacher.” Gosh it feels good to belong; just look at Mr. Quigley’s Keys next to Where The Wild Things Are. Be still my author’s soul.

But why does belonging matter so much? We are wired for connection; it’s a fundamental human need. We are social beings who thrive on interactions with one another. Just above our basic physical needs like food and shelter and our need for safety come love and belonging on Maslow’s Hierarchy of Needs pyramid. It simply feels good to belong.

So, by extension, when we dig deep and write from the heart, it feels good that a teacher chooses our book to be included in her recommendations for parents to read at home. I’m honored and I’m grateful.

And for Margaret to share it with me? A bonus kindness that has sent my heart soaring. Thank you, my friend, for your thoughtfulness and love; I’m so blessed to belong in your circle.

Names Are Important

Barbara Gruener

Today I’m grateful for this quick conversation with John Norlin on the CharacterStrong podcast about Leadership Rule number one: Names are important. What bliss it was to reconnect with him and talk about the importance of names and the respectful and kind use of nicknames.

Toward the end of this episode, John, the co-founder of CS, asked for a reminder for our listeners, so I said, “Empathy gives kindness its why.” We had run out of time to unpack that much further, but in an author visit in WI on Monday, I was able to share with a group of 4th-grade empathy heroes why this glorious virtue is so important.

Before we started our read-aloud, I introduced my son Jacob, who’d be playing the role of Mipps. I asked our listeners which message seemed more meaningful: This is our new student Jacob; please remember to welcome him the Howard Way and be kind to him. OR This is our new friend, Jacob, who is visiting from Texas because his Grandma just died. He’s missing his family, who didn’t get to travel with him for the funeral. Let’s remember to give him a warm welcome, the Howard way, and treat him with kindness.

Before I even finished asking the question, these budding authors were putting up two fingers to signal that the second scenario seemed more meaningful and sustainable. And they were right! When we step into one another’s story to find out why they need our compassion and how they’d like us to show up, then the connection is deeper and the chances of its longer-lasting impact increase.

Before I turned the last page as we finished the story, a boy’s hand shot up to tell me that he’d noticed that every page has a red bird. When I asked the group what that male American cardinal is said to represent, one student guessed that it was there because of the nickname Birdie. Good guess, but it goes deeper than that. It was a girl all the way in back who shared with her friends that it means that someone who has passed away is near. I asked her to repeat that before posing the question, “so whom do you think passed away?” There was a collective gasp when I shared that my brother, Mipps, had died from a heart attack and that authors often use writing as a therapeutic resource, a way to process uncomfortable, big feelings.

Before they went back to class, each learner got to choose their own vintage empaKEY, to help them remember to always treat everybody with empathy, compassion, kindness and respect.

On our way home, we stopped at Green Isle Park to breathe in the beauty of my favorite season.

Then we headed to WayMorr Park, near the family farm. Isn’t Autumn in rural Wisconsin the perfect orange backdrop for Unity day?

We brought back some of these incredible colors for a gardening club at my former elementary school; what joy we had collecting these breathtaking treasures. Oh how I wish I could bottle that scent!

And just like with people, each of these leaves is its only unique, colorful creation, even the ones that come from the same tree.

Happy Fall, dear reader; thank you for continuing to remind our future, the children, about leadership lesson number one, that names matter. Why? Because they help make us … us!

A #DaveBurgessShow Guest

Barbara Gruener

Today I’m excited and grateful to share that Wednesday I had the honor of connecting with the Pirate himself, Dave Burgess, and being a guest on his podcast, the Dave Burgess Show.

For almost a decade, I have been following Dave’s journey on Twitter, from the time his first book, Teach Like A Pirate, went viral until now, when he has published education titles too many to count. My all-time favorite challenge of his over the years is this:

Ten years a fan, so you can imagine how excited I was to connect via Zoom this week to talk about all things Birdie & Mipps, Mr. Quigley’s Keys, and being connectors on social media. After our chat, Dave posted this affirmation on Facebook and Insta:

Sigh. Be still my fan-girl heart.

So, what did we talk about besides my books? Reflection listening! Here’s a peek at my slide deck from that PALs session I got to lead on Tuesday.

At the risk of sounding corny, I’d just come back from harvesting season on the family farm, so yeah, I used two ears of corn to create intrigue.

It was so interesting to hear the teens share their ideas of the difference between the listening and hearing; I love this wisdom from Simon Sinek.

After a few role plays, we talked through these empathy reflections.

They each chose a few little antique keys to remember these key connecting statements.

Have a listen to podcast episode 61 to hEAR how I engaged them in that lesson. Could I have sold tickets to it? Not sure, but I left there with a spring in my step, for sure.

Happy harvesting, dear reader. 🌽🌽

Birdie & Mipps’ Mom

Barbara Gruener

Our beautiful mom, Marilyn, died peacefully last Sunday after a five-year battle with dementia. She would have turned 87 next month.

The quintessential, modern-day Florence Nightingale, our mom served as a nurse in our community for 25 years during her younger years, first in the newborn nursery, then in hospice. We heard so many times how tenderly she’d given this baby its first bath, how patiently she’d pierced this girl’s ears, how compassionately she’d held that man’s hand through his passing and how lovingly she’d comforted the bereaved family.

She had five of her own children and seven foster children over the years, so our dinner table was always filled to capacity. The most beautiful thing happened the day after she died: One of our foster sisters from some 60 years ago actually reached out to offer to help pay for mom’s funeral expenses. How long do connection, compassion and kindness last? Sometimes a lifetime.

I was in the air, flying home to hold her hand and say goodbye, when she took her last breath. I like to think that I felt her essence as we hovered over the clouds and I’m pretty sure I got a soul hug from her on her way to her heavenly home.

You can read her obituary {here}; I was honored to have just written my mother-in-law’s obituary in August and I hope not to have to write another one for a while.

I found this treasure in her things while we were cleaning out her room; I remember it well because it was our first time to stay in a hotel, in Janesville, WI, because Dad and Mom were Easter Seals Ambassadors and we all went to their annual convention that year.

We will miss Mom like crazy, but we are grateful that she’s no longer feeling so lost and confused. Here’s a precious snapshot from July, when I got to read our story to her.

So I’ve spent the week in the farmhouse where she raised me, in the bedroom where she’d tuck me in at night. It’s very therapeutic as I relax and reflect.

This morning, I got the gift of this Midwest Book Review in my inbox. It’s from Suzie Housley, a thirty-year reviewer, who told me she found the cover inviting and the story excellent. And I’m grateful.

Have you read Birdie & Mipps yet? If so, what was your favorite part?

That Joyful-Gasp Feeling

Barbara Gruener

Today I’m excited about and grateful for thoughtful friends.

Just last week, I got a text from my friend, the amazing Sarah Flier, school counselor extraordinaire up in Wisconsin. This past May, she invited me to visit their school for their Young Authors’ Day celebration and she was kind enough to not only kick off her school year by reading Birdie & Mipps, but also follow-up with these kind words:

The gasp and “You got her new book?!?!!!!!!” from each class was so sweet – from 1st graders all the way to 5th! They loved it and our conversation about nicknames and respecting each other was especially sweet.

The gasp. I know it well and it’s something that I miss now that I’m not in the schools as much anymore. But I can still hear it. And I can still feel it. And it still makes my heart happy.

Another thing that makes my heart happy is getting priority mail in my mailbox.

And this particular care package has serendipity written all over it. It’s from my friend and superstar counselor, Tanya Kirschman, up in Montana. She was out shopping the other day when these earrings with a cardinal on them chirped at her. No seriously, that’s what she said. They called her by name and she simply had to get them for me. When she texted to inquire whether I wear earrings, and I said that my ears are no longer pierced, she invited her daughter Hope to upcycle the jewelry into something useful for me. Without knowing that we recently traded in our old, 2008 van for a sporty new Subaru, Hope fashioned those earrings into this keychain and a rear-view mirror chain. Opening that special delivery made my soul sing.

And if that wasn’t enough serendipity, here’s another gasp-worthy story. When we were cleaning out my mother-in-law’s office to get her house ready to sell, I found her hardcover copy of Mr. Quigley’s Keys, complete with her notes from when she read it to her sorority sisters last summer. I decided it would become my travel copy, so that a part of her would be with me at author visit, which freed up my former travel copy, in the event someone would need one. Sure enough, not even a week later, yet another incredible school counselor, Lauren Boyher, from San Antonio, sent a text to say she was planning an empathy lesson and wanted to know where the best place to buy a copy of Keys would be. As luck would have it …

… I just happen to have a “pay it forward” copy that I can add to tomorrow’s shipment. Isn’t is fun when serendipitous happy accidents find you?

Finally, this five-star review on Amazon feels positively affirming; thank you, Carol, for your thoughtful endorsement of Birdie & Mipps.

Your kind feedback gives me that joyful-gasp feeling.