Tag: kindness

Names Are Important

Barbara Gruener

Today I’m grateful for this quick conversation with John Norlin on the CharacterStrong podcast about Leadership Rule number one: Names are important. What bliss it was to reconnect with him and talk about the importance of names and the respectful and kind use of nicknames.

Toward the end of this episode, John, the co-founder of CS, asked for a reminder for our listeners, so I said, “Empathy gives kindness its why.” We had run out of time to unpack that much further, but in an author visit in WI on Monday, I was able to share with a group of 4th-grade empathy heroes why this glorious virtue is so important.

Before we started our read-aloud, I introduced my son Jacob, who’d be playing the role of Mipps. I asked our listeners which message seemed more meaningful: This is our new student Jacob; please remember to welcome him the Howard Way and be kind to him. OR This is our new friend, Jacob, who is visiting from Texas because his Grandma just died. He’s missing his family, who didn’t get to travel with him for the funeral. Let’s remember to give him a warm welcome, the Howard way, and treat him with kindness.

Before I even finished asking the question, these budding authors were putting up two fingers to signal that the second scenario seemed more meaningful and sustainable. And they were right! When we step into one another’s story to find out why they need our compassion and how they’d like us to show up, then the connection is deeper and the chances of its longer-lasting impact increase.

Before I turned the last page as we finished the story, a boy’s hand shot up to tell me that he’d noticed that every page has a red bird. When I asked the group what that male American cardinal is said to represent, one student guessed that it was there because of the nickname Birdie. Good guess, but it goes deeper than that. It was a girl all the way in back who shared with her friends that it means that someone who has passed away is near. I asked her to repeat that before posing the question, “so whom do you think passed away?” There was a collective gasp when I shared that my brother, Mipps, had died from a heart attack and that authors often use writing as a therapeutic resource, a way to process uncomfortable, big feelings.

Before they went back to class, each learner got to choose their own vintage empaKEY, to help them remember to always treat everybody with empathy, compassion, kindness and respect.

On our way home, we stopped at Green Isle Park to breathe in the beauty of my favorite season.

Then we headed to WayMorr Park, near the family farm. Isn’t Autumn in rural Wisconsin the perfect orange backdrop for Unity day?

We brought back some of these incredible colors for a gardening club at my former elementary school; what joy we had collecting these breathtaking treasures. Oh how I wish I could bottle that scent!

And just like with people, each of these leaves is its only unique, colorful creation, even the ones that come from the same tree.

Happy Fall, dear reader; thank you for continuing to remind our future, the children, about leadership lesson number one, that names matter. Why? Because they help make us … us!

A #DaveBurgessShow Guest

Barbara Gruener

Today I’m excited and grateful to share that Wednesday I had the honor of connecting with the Pirate himself, Dave Burgess, and being a guest on his podcast, the Dave Burgess Show.

For almost a decade, I have been following Dave’s journey on Twitter, from the time his first book, Teach Like A Pirate, went viral until now, when he has published education titles too many to count. My all-time favorite challenge of his over the years is this:

Ten years a fan, so you can imagine how excited I was to connect via Zoom this week to talk about all things Birdie & Mipps, Mr. Quigley’s Keys, and being connectors on social media. After our chat, Dave posted this affirmation on Facebook and Insta:

Sigh. Be still my fan-girl heart.

So, what did we talk about besides my books? Reflection listening! Here’s a peek at my slide deck from that PALs session I got to lead on Tuesday.

At the risk of sounding corny, I’d just come back from harvesting season on the family farm, so yeah, I used two ears of corn to create intrigue.

It was so interesting to hear the teens share their ideas of the difference between the listening and hearing; I love this wisdom from Simon Sinek.

After a few role plays, we talked through these empathy reflections.

They each chose a few little antique keys to remember these key connecting statements.

Have a listen to podcast episode 61 to hEAR how I engaged them in that lesson. Could I have sold tickets to it? Not sure, but I left there with a spring in my step, for sure.

Happy harvesting, dear reader. 🌽🌽

Birdie & Mipps’ Mom

Barbara Gruener

Our beautiful mom, Marilyn, died peacefully last Sunday after a five-year battle with dementia. She would have turned 87 next month.

The quintessential, modern-day Florence Nightingale, our mom served as a nurse in our community for 25 years during her younger years, first in the newborn nursery, then in hospice. We heard so many times how tenderly she’d given this baby its first bath, how patiently she’d pierced this girl’s ears, how compassionately she’d held that man’s hand through his passing and how lovingly she’d comforted the bereaved family.

She had five of her own children and seven foster children over the years, so our dinner table was always filled to capacity. The most beautiful thing happened the day after she died: One of our foster sisters from some 60 years ago actually reached out to offer to help pay for mom’s funeral expenses. How long do connection, compassion and kindness last? Sometimes a lifetime.

I was in the air, flying home to hold her hand and say goodbye, when she took her last breath. I like to think that I felt her essence as we hovered over the clouds and I’m pretty sure I got a soul hug from her on her way to her heavenly home.

You can read her obituary {here}; I was honored to have just written my mother-in-law’s obituary in August and I hope not to have to write another one for a while.

I found this treasure in her things while we were cleaning out her room; I remember it well because it was our first time to stay in a hotel, in Janesville, WI, because Dad and Mom were Easter Seals Ambassadors and we all went to their annual convention that year.

We will miss Mom like crazy, but we are grateful that she’s no longer feeling so lost and confused. Here’s a precious snapshot from July, when I got to read our story to her.

So I’ve spent the week in the farmhouse where she raised me, in the bedroom where she’d tuck me in at night. It’s very therapeutic as I relax and reflect.

This morning, I got the gift of this Midwest Book Review in my inbox. It’s from Suzie Housley, a thirty-year reviewer, who told me she found the cover inviting and the story excellent. And I’m grateful.

Have you read Birdie & Mipps yet? If so, what was your favorite part?

That Joyful-Gasp Feeling

Barbara Gruener

Today I’m excited about and grateful for thoughtful friends.

Just last week, I got a text from my friend, the amazing Sarah Flier, school counselor extraordinaire up in Wisconsin. This past May, she invited me to visit their school for their Young Authors’ Day celebration and she was kind enough to not only kick off her school year by reading Birdie & Mipps, but also follow-up with these kind words:

The gasp and “You got her new book?!?!!!!!!” from each class was so sweet – from 1st graders all the way to 5th! They loved it and our conversation about nicknames and respecting each other was especially sweet.

The gasp. I know it well and it’s something that I miss now that I’m not in the schools as much anymore. But I can still hear it. And I can still feel it. And it still makes my heart happy.

Another thing that makes my heart happy is getting priority mail in my mailbox.

And this particular care package has serendipity written all over it. It’s from my friend and superstar counselor, Tanya Kirschman, up in Montana. She was out shopping the other day when these earrings with a cardinal on them chirped at her. No seriously, that’s what she said. They called her by name and she simply had to get them for me. When she texted to inquire whether I wear earrings, and I said that my ears are no longer pierced, she invited her daughter Hope to upcycle the jewelry into something useful for me. Without knowing that we recently traded in our old, 2008 van for a sporty new Subaru, Hope fashioned those earrings into this keychain and a rear-view mirror chain. Opening that special delivery made my soul sing.

And if that wasn’t enough serendipity, here’s another gasp-worthy story. When we were cleaning out my mother-in-law’s office to get her house ready to sell, I found her hardcover copy of Mr. Quigley’s Keys, complete with her notes from when she read it to her sorority sisters last summer. I decided it would become my travel copy, so that a part of her would be with me at author visit, which freed up my former travel copy, in the event someone would need one. Sure enough, not even a week later, yet another incredible school counselor, Lauren Boyher, from San Antonio, sent a text to say she was planning an empathy lesson and wanted to know where the best place to buy a copy of Keys would be. As luck would have it …

… I just happen to have a “pay it forward” copy that I can add to tomorrow’s shipment. Isn’t is fun when serendipitous happy accidents find you?

Finally, this five-star review on Amazon feels positively affirming; thank you, Carol, for your thoughtful endorsement of Birdie & Mipps.

Your kind feedback gives me that joyful-gasp feeling.

When LOVE Is The Answer

Barbara Gruener

It’s THAT time again – #B2S – my favorite hashtag: Back To School!

And even though I’m not back to a specific school myself per se, I’m so excited about my upcoming author visits! In fact, yesterday I got to take this book and a little cardinal to my favorite empathy hero, one of the school counselors that I’ve been mentoring for years. What a blissful moment in time, to get a tour of her character building and 30 minutes of her time and attention. Talk about love; be still my retired-counselor heart.

I’m also grateful for this podcast episode with Craig Shapiro, a seasoned Wellness Coach in PA.

Buckle up because it’s a looooooong conversation. Might take two or three commutes if you’ve got in on your car radio. Or it’ll be a very long walk to listen from start to finish. But wow, we covered a lot of terrain and I think it’ll be worth your while. His most beautiful affirmation?

“The power of what you just said, is not what you just said … it’s how you said it.” Sigh.

I was blessed by of one of those love glimmers this week, with my son Joshua, who has been in between jobs for some time now. He’s going back to work Monday, so how does he decide to spend his second-to-the-last-day of free time? He asked for a lesson on making cinnamon rolls by scratch.

It made this Mama’s baker heart so happy. And guess what? It made me want to share the magic, so I sent some home with him, then shared a few with friends. More kindness from the kitchen, and who doesn’t LOVE this warm, home-baked deliciousness?

Doesn’t this decadence smell like love?

Here’s to being a walking and/or singing love letter and remembering that love is {almost} always the answer. Do let me know if you want to set up an author visit for your school and read-aloud of Mr. Quigley’s Keys or Birdie & Mipps.

Seed Money

Barbara Gruener

It’s no secret that I think about my little brother Mipps a lot, but August finds me especially melancholy because it marks the anniversary of the saddest day of our lives, the day he died.

Today, I’m thinking back 13 years, to a conversation I had with him at our pool when he came for a visit. I blogged the entire account back in 2011 {here}. Here’s a portion of the letter that came in the mail a few weeks later.

Seed money. Hmmmm. I’d not heard that term before, but I liked the idea behind it, to help put some skin in the game, if you will. Jacob did end up matching his FUNcle’s funds and ended up having a great time in Germany.

So I’ve decided that I’m starting a Seed-Money Scholarship with the proceeds from our book. In fact, I’ve already chosen our first recipient, an incoming senior in high school whose passion is infectious, whose work ethic is inspiring, and who shows up positively vivacious, wherever she goes. Simply put, she reminds me of Mipps.

So here’s how it’s going to work. I sent the first installment to her via Venmo today. When she works to earn a matching amount, I will send her the next installment. It’s that easy! If book sales don’t keep up, no worries; she’ll still receive her full scholarship.

I cannot wait to see the fruits of our investment in this compassionate, driven world-changer.

Oh, and, for fun as I work to keep sadness at bay, I recorded a read-aloud of the book, so you, dear reader, could hear it aloud how I heard it in my head when I was writing it.

Happy reading!

“This Treasured Tribute”

Barbara Gruener

Today I’m feeing grateful and honored by this heartfelt feedback from a passionate author, educator, and friend up in Canada whom I adore and admire so much.

Here’s a peek at the resource pages she’s referencing.

Not only did Mrs. Mac post these kind words of affirmation on Facebook, but her beautiful 4th-grade daughter also served on our First-Look Focus Team.

Here’s what Sadie had to say about our passion project: This book helped me to see that we all have precious names that deserve to be honoured and that it is ok to tell someone if you don’t want to be called by a nickname even though it is one your family might use. I like when my family calls me Sadie Pie but not when people that don’t know me do, just like Mipps.

Perfection! What are you grateful for today?

Enriching Birdie & Mipps

Barbara Gruener

Mom’s first question when she met her great granddaughter was “What’s her name?“

Her name is Leah Odette, but for now, she’s also affectionately known by the nicknames Nugget, Nuggs, Sweet Pea, Cutie Pie, Leah Bean and Leah Bear. It’s not likely that those will stick as she ages and it is likely that she’ll have an opinion about which nicknames, if any, she’d like for us to use, a topic that Birdie & Mipps tackles by talking our readers through self-advocacy, kindness and respect.

Sesame Street also has a few clips that address the importance of names {The Name Song, Your Name Is Very Important, and Our Names Are Special} that you can share before or after your Birdie & Mipps read-aloud, to enrich your discussion.

Use these clips to cultivate self-awareness and caring connections as your learners share how their parents/caregivers chose their names, what their nickname (if they have one) is, and what name, if any, they really like or wish they had. Invite them to create a bumper sticker, T-shirt logo, or PSA showcasing their name and what it symbolizes to them and what they want it to stand for or mean to the world.

Then compare and contrast these titles around this timeless topic.

For other ideas, check out the enrichment pages in the back of our book.

Be creative and enJOY the synergy as you step into and get acquainted with one another’s stories.

A Horse’s Gentle Tickle

Barbara Gruener

Nicknames can come from anywhere, but how did the word “nip” become Nippers, then Mippers, then Mipps? In the story, Mipps asks Birdie if she knows how he got his nickname.

Meet the real-life Scooter, my pride and joy, whom my sixth-grade self found malnourished and super skinny at a farm about 25 minutes down the road. I talked my Dad into letting me invest in her, a gorgeous Arabian Pinto mix, and I nurtured her back to health on my family farm in the early 1970’s. We went on to breed her twice; her foals Menty and Misty were absolutely gorgeous miracle babies. I love how our artist perfectly portrays this beautiful mare.

The cool part about realistic fiction is that a large part of it is true; this sneak peek into the real part of our story, Birdie & Mipps, and how my little brother, Mark, came by the nickname Mippers, then Mipps, comes from treasured memories that have lasted a lifetime.

I’m so very grateful for the affirming feedback that the book is receiving; check out this five-star review from passionate educator Mrs. Monty in Florida, as seen on Amazon:

Birdie & Mipps is not only a compelling story but also a fantastic resource for classrooms.

I’m so grateful that our story is resonating with educators like Barbie; it’s my hope that it’ll be a springboard for many cool conversations about the importance of names and the respectful use of nicknames and that it’ll serve as a reminder that how we treat each other matters.

Now This Brings Tears

Barbara Gruener

I was so happy to see the Amazon truck carrying this precious cargo.

My dad’s copy of Birdie & Mipps.

His reaction to a pillow hug made from his son’s shirt holding our book was priceless.

First, he laughed.

Then, he caught his breath.

“Now this brings tears,” he admitted freely as he turned the page and saw the picture of his baby boy on the bike in the back of our book. Tears. So. Many. Tears. Tears of grief. Tears of pride. Tears of loss. Tears of gratitude. Tears of joy. Tears of what was. Tears of what isn’t anymore. Tears of missing. So. Many. Tears. Of. Missing.

And yet, we move forward, one breath, one step, one day at a time. For there are babies to be baptized, like Leah, the newest member of our family.

Do we wish Mipps could have been here for this four-generation celebration? No question. But we definitely felt his presence as we continue to grieve with the hope of one day seeing him again. Until then, we work with intention to keep his legacy of love alive by sharing his story and continuing his ministry of compassionate connections, gratitude and generosity.

Thank you, dear reader, for your interest in our book and its backstory. Have you read Birdie & Mipps yet? What was your favorite part?