Tag: kindness

Where Everybody Knows Your Name

Barbara Gruener

So today I’m thinking about my name, in part because of the message on my Starbucks cup yesterday. First and foremost, it’s a sweet compliment, for sure. I love my SB baristas and we have such a playful relationship as I frequent the place. Being there actually feels a bit like the 1980’s television sitcom Cheers, when Norm walks through the doors and they all yell, “Norm!“

The magic of those moments made Norm feel like he belonged there, on that same bar stool, where he was among friends! It’s kind of like that when I go to my local Starbucks.

So it makes me feel really special when they write on my cup, a small gesture, I know, but a tiny thing that feels big to me, and I’m grateful.

Now, here’s where the conflict comes in. You know what a barb is, right? I looked it up and capture a screen shot, so we can see why Barb isn’t my first choice.

I touch on it in Birdie & Mipps, when Mipps asks if Birdie is a nickname for Barbara.

To be fair, it is a common practice in Wisconsin (perhaps all of the midwest?) to shorten names; in my family of origin Timothy became Tim, Barbara was Barb and Debra went by Deb. That’s just how it was, really until I moved to Texas and my mentor Cynthia called me Barbara. It sounded so elegant, so Southern, so fancy when she’d say it, and for the first time in almost three decades, I liked the sound of my name, which didn’t sound like a barb on a fence when Cynthia said it.

So, in my 30s, I changed it back to Barbara. But close family and friends, especially those from back home, still call me Barb and that’s endearing, but when I meet someone new, I don’t care to be known as Barb.

Monikers matter, so if you meet a Barbara, instead of dropping three letters from her name, ask her first if she goes by Barbara, Barb, Barbie or something else. It’ll honor her in ways you may not be able to imagine, until you get the backstory.

It just feels good to hang out with people who know your {preferred} name.

Side By Side

Barbara Gruener

Today I’m thinking about the power of the side-by-side walk ‘n talk, a reflection that started for me on Easter Sunday morning when we took this family walk.

Our granddaughter, Leah, who is not quite 14 months old, is a bit cautious around adults she doesn’t know very well yet, so, as you can imagine, she’s not sure about letting her Uncle Joshua, who lives three hours away, play with her or talk to her, much less hug or hold her.

What I did notice, however, was that on this Sunday morning stroll, she reached for his hand.

My heart melted the moment I saw this, so I asked his wife, Auntie Ariana, to capture this Kodak moment for me because Leah was just a chattering away, almost as if unaware that she didn’t really know her walking companion well enough to let him guide her down the sidewalk.

Or maybe, it’s just not as vulnerable to walk side by side as you talk?

I’m reminded that my Dad and his siblings always used to stay in the car and talk, sometimes for hours, after they’d return from an outing. Is it possible that it’s just easier to share personal issues and deeper insights with someone side by side?

Our poolside chairs sit side by side; could it be that that’s why it’s our favorite gathering place …

when the weather cooperates (and we have new chairs!)?

In our book, Birdie & Mipps, the siblings take a stroll to talk through an issue that Mipps is having, an inadvertent problem he caused and needs solve, a friendship that he wants to save, but they don’t sit down face-to-face. Instead, they’re on a walk ‘n talk alongside one another.

Side by side. So it’s comforting, not uncomfortable as Birdie helps Mipps face what he’s done, understand why it’s a problem (even though quite by accident), and talk through what he can do to mend his misstep.

What are your thoughts on this? Would you rather chat face to face or side by side? Perhaps it matters what you’re chatting about? Sound off in the comments or drop me an email.

In the meantime, drumroll please: Our Focus-group feedback is favorable and our incredible illustrator McKenna is feverishly working up the sketches for my third picture book, due to release later this year. Thank you, dear reader, for sharing in our excitement.

Do keep checking back as details will soon start to unravel. 🧶

March Wellness

Barbara Gruener

You’ve undoubtedly heard of March Madness, but today I’m thinking about March Wellness after flying to Wisconsin to co-present a WellBEing growth session at the LACCS Character Conference.

Wait, is taking in a sunrise over Texas an act of self-care? I’m going with yes on that one, because it certainly fed my soul to watch this beauty unfold out of my window of that early-morning Southwest flight to Milwaukee.

We started our session with an improv in character from the movie Inside Out 2; here, I’m warming up to play the role of Anger, who’s mad because she can’t find her bodyguard, Sadness.

It was great fun to engage our audience in this way! Next, we went through some activities and tools to add to the self-compassion and wellness arsenal of these passionate educators.

Who needs a head hug?

Finally, we invited participants to take a look at what’s on their plate, literally and figuratively, as we created self-care wheels complete with strategies that will nourish us mind, body, and spirit.

I continue to delight in opportunities like this one to plant seeds of inspiration and love in the hearts and souls of leaders who are still in the schoolhouse doing the holy work day after day, shaping the hearts and minds of our true national treasure, our kids.

Click {here} if you’d like to read more reflections about my March trip home.

In another news, my favorite laptop turned one and is she ever a little sponge!

Need another wellness idea? Grab your favorite toddler and ask her to bring you a book, then savor the silliness and pure, unadulterated joy of reading in tandum.

It might just be more happiness (and wellness!) than your heart can stand.

Leaning Into #Leadership

Barbara Gruener

Today I’m excited because this podcast episode with my publisher dropped first thing this morning. What a fun way to kick off the week of Christmas 2024.

It can be a little daunting to record a visit without knowing the questions ahead of time, but that’s exactly what I did with my Character Speaks podcast, to keep it fresh. I loved the authenticity and vulnerability of the on-the-spot responses that always came straight from the heart. Our visit is about 45 minutes long, so lace up your walking shoes and listen in on what we have to say about our leadership practices, habits and recommendations.

Spoiler alert: Darrin does get a little emotional at the end, a podcast first for this leadership guru!

Speaking of emotional, I just returned from WI, where I had not only a lovely early Christmas with my extended family, but also a chance to visit with two first-grade class families and then two second-grade classes. At the first school, I got to read Mr. Quigley’s Keys.

I left them each with an empaKEY on a red string, to remind them that they hold the key to unlock hearts by listening and loving, sharing compassion and kindness.

The teacher realized that she’d forgotten to order one; thankfully I always carry extras!

After the visit, I received this kind affirmation from her:

Hello Barbara,

Your presentation was absolutely wonderful! I thorughly enjoyed it and the kids were so engaged! You have such a gift. Thank you for sharing it with us! I look forward to seeing your future books … maybe about Winthrop … maybe a whole series! 😉 The kids adored him!

Thank you again for sharing your holiday time with us. Have a very blessed Christmas and a peaceful New Year.

In His Service, Deanne

Who’s Winthrop, you ask?

He’s the bird that helps me set the stage for my empathy explanation since that’s one of the themes of Birdie & Mipps. Don’t you just love how the two girls on the left are responding to him? Perhaps he does need a book of his own … hmmmmm.

In the middle of our read-aloud, one of the boys wondered aloud: “Hey, is this a personal narrative?” Then he added, “Wait, are you the girl?”

I gave this group each a sticker with a cardinal on it and we talked about what the American male cardinal is said to represent.

On his way to recess, one boy showed his teacher his sticker and said, “I’ll use this to remember my dad.” Be still my soul.

So many text-to-self connections that morning; you just never know how each reader will engage and respond, and what they will take away and remember from the story and the visit.

And that’s how I’ve been leaning into leadership lately.

Thank you for visiting my blog today; do let me know if ever I can visit the superheroes in your class family either in person or via Zoom.

Extension Activities

Barbara Gruener

Happy December; to celebrate the holiday season, I’m making enrichment resources for my books. Click {here} to download this Birdie & Mipps word search and look to find most of the words are vertical or horizontal.

I used to make my word puzzles by hand, when I first taught Spanish in the 1980s. I really thought it was a great way to get in some vocabulary repetitions, seeing and searching for those words in both languages. Now there are many freebie worksheet generators online, and I’m grateful.

Click {here} to download the Mr. Quigley’s Keys word search and look for this one to have a diagonal word or two as well as vertical and horizontal ones.

As always, the natural next thing is to ask your learners to create their own word searches, either by hand or using a worksheet maker like this one.

If you’d like to gift a signed copy of any of my three books, I’ve now got them all in stock and would be happy to send them your way.

Before you go, check out my reflections on The Cost of Kindness at Character.org. I scored a 83 on the KQ (Kindness Quotient) questionnaire.

What’s your KQ?

Giving Empa-KEYS

Barbara Gruener

This evening, I spent time stringing 40 vintage keys for the first-grade classes on my next author visit.

During my 40-minute visit, we’ll discuss empathy, one of the themes in Birdie & Mipps, and I’ll point out that empathy is key to connecting with someone by heart. I’ll refer to the key I’ll be wearing as my key reminder, which I also use to illustrate how authors play with words and sometimes even make new words, like calling my necklace an empa-KEY. They giggle and then get so excited to know that I’ve brought one for each of them, all different in shape and size, just like us. So fun, just like this comic that my friend Liz sent my way this week.

In the book, I mention that when mom calls me Barb-a-ra-Suz-anne, that likely means that she’s angry or frustrated with me, so this makes me smile.

Know what else makes me smile? Last week, a family that I babysat for during college 40 years ago reached out to inquire about the best place to buy a copy of Birdie & Mipps. I told her that I’d be happy to send a copy, so that I could sign it for them. Our longstanding and close relationship is one that I treasure, for sure, so I sent priority mail their way, complete with the book and a cardinal ornament. This beautiful text came in on Friday.

Words have power; I am, at once, grateful and humbled by Barb’s kind affirmations. That’s right, she and I share the same name, another way that we are connected. The gift of her friendship and love for four decades way outweighs what she felt was my generosity in sending them a book. A win-win, for sure.

Kindness doesn’t have to be a grand gesture to be great. Share a story. Send a text. Or, like what happened to me this afternoon, pick up the phone and Facetime a former teacher, a neighbor, a Grammy, an old friend. You may not know whether they’re running on empty, but I’ll guarantee that it’ll fill their emotional reserve right up and make them want to return the love in kind.

Kind words are keys that unlock all doors; they’re also a beautiful blanket that warms our world.

As we inch our way toward Thanksgiving 2024, how will you express kindness and gratitude this week? Who has shown empathy, compassion, and kindness toward you?

In Loving Memory

Barbara Gruener

I had a really vivid dream about Mipps a few nights ago, that he came back and wasn’t really dead after all; instead of soaking in and savoring every second with him, I was stressed about how to tell him that we’d given all of his things away, and that he no longer had a job or a place to come home to.I woke up so sad and out of sorts. Then these treasures came in the mail for me.

These hand-crafted, loving reflections from a few of my friends at Howard Elementary’s 4th-grade students are extraordinary in their own right, but extra special to me because of how they are personalized.

In love-ing memory of Mipps … I am so sorry that he died.

These ooze with empathy, which is all about moving from me to WE; don’t we look happy together?

And more empathy: If I lost my mom, I don’t know what I would do. Oh, dear Brooklynn, I hope that you don’t have to find that out for a very long time.

I love it when a random sloth shows up, because it’s what they’re good at drawing right now. It takes me back to when I figured out how to draw Snoopy and then drew that dog over and over again.

And the pop-up cards completely made my day.

Check out the 3-D effect of the pop-up sun and flower; how masterfully this scene parallels a page from Birdie & Mipps, complete with the red cardinal and my Bambi reference from the book:

… but you can call me Flower, if you want to.

On days when you feel out of sorts, find a child, read them a story, then write the author a thank-you note. I strongly suspect that it will put you back on track in no time.

Blessings, dear reader; have a fantastic weekend.

Belonging Matters

Barbara Gruener

Today I’ve been thinking about the gift of belonging after my friend Margaret texted me this picture of her school’s 2nd annual Literacy Night.

She shared this with me: “At our Literacy Night, each teacher was asked to pick their top five books parents should have in their homes for children to read. Your book made the pick for our second grade teacher.” Gosh it feels good to belong; just look at Mr. Quigley’s Keys next to Where The Wild Things Are. Be still my author’s soul.

But why does belonging matter so much? We are wired for connection; it’s a fundamental human need. We are social beings who thrive on interactions with one another. Just above our basic physical needs like food and shelter and our need for safety come love and belonging on Maslow’s Hierarchy of Needs pyramid. It simply feels good to belong.

So, by extension, when we dig deep and write from the heart, it feels good that a teacher chooses our book to be included in her recommendations for parents to read at home. I’m honored and I’m grateful.

And for Margaret to share it with me? A bonus kindness that has sent my heart soaring. Thank you, my friend, for your thoughtfulness and love; I’m so blessed to belong in your circle.

Names Are Important

Barbara Gruener

Today I’m grateful for this quick conversation with John Norlin on the CharacterStrong podcast about Leadership Rule number one: Names are important. What bliss it was to reconnect with him and talk about the importance of names and the respectful and kind use of nicknames.

Toward the end of this episode, John, the co-founder of CS, asked for a reminder for our listeners, so I said, “Empathy gives kindness its why.” We had run out of time to unpack that much further, but in an author visit in WI on Monday, I was able to share with a group of 4th-grade empathy heroes why this glorious virtue is so important.

Before we started our read-aloud, I introduced my son Jacob, who’d be playing the role of Mipps. I asked our listeners which message seemed more meaningful: This is our new student Jacob; please remember to welcome him the Howard Way and be kind to him. OR This is our new friend, Jacob, who is visiting from Texas because his Grandma just died. He’s missing his family, who didn’t get to travel with him for the funeral. Let’s remember to give him a warm welcome, the Howard way, and treat him with kindness.

Before I even finished asking the question, these budding authors were putting up two fingers to signal that the second scenario seemed more meaningful and sustainable. And they were right! When we step into one another’s story to find out why they need our compassion and how they’d like us to show up, then the connection is deeper and the chances of its longer-lasting impact increase.

Before I turned the last page as we finished the story, a boy’s hand shot up to tell me that he’d noticed that every page has a red bird. When I asked the group what that male American cardinal is said to represent, one student guessed that it was there because of the nickname Birdie. Good guess, but it goes deeper than that. It was a girl all the way in back who shared with her friends that it means that someone who has passed away is near. I asked her to repeat that before posing the question, “so whom do you think passed away?” There was a collective gasp when I shared that my brother, Mipps, had died from a heart attack and that authors often use writing as a therapeutic resource, a way to process uncomfortable, big feelings.

Before they went back to class, each learner got to choose their own vintage empaKEY, to help them remember to always treat everybody with empathy, compassion, kindness and respect.

On our way home, we stopped at Green Isle Park to breathe in the beauty of my favorite season.

Then we headed to WayMorr Park, near the family farm. Isn’t Autumn in rural Wisconsin the perfect orange backdrop for Unity day?

We brought back some of these incredible colors for a gardening club at my former elementary school; what joy we had collecting these breathtaking treasures. Oh how I wish I could bottle that scent!

And just like with people, each of these leaves is its only unique, colorful creation, even the ones that come from the same tree.

Happy Fall, dear reader; thank you for continuing to remind our future, the children, about leadership lesson number one, that names matter. Why? Because they help make us … us!

A #DaveBurgessShow Guest

Barbara Gruener

Today I’m excited and grateful to share that Wednesday I had the honor of connecting with the Pirate himself, Dave Burgess, and being a guest on his podcast, the Dave Burgess Show.

For almost a decade, I have been following Dave’s journey on Twitter, from the time his first book, Teach Like A Pirate, went viral until now, when he has published education titles too many to count. My all-time favorite challenge of his over the years is this:

Ten years a fan, so you can imagine how excited I was to connect via Zoom this week to talk about all things Birdie & Mipps, Mr. Quigley’s Keys, and being connectors on social media. After our chat, Dave posted this affirmation on Facebook and Insta:

Sigh. Be still my fan-girl heart.

So, what did we talk about besides my books? Reflection listening! Here’s a peek at my slide deck from that PALs session I got to lead on Tuesday.

At the risk of sounding corny, I’d just come back from harvesting season on the family farm, so yeah, I used two ears of corn to create intrigue.

It was so interesting to hear the teens share their ideas of the difference between the listening and hearing; I love this wisdom from Simon Sinek.

After a few role plays, we talked through these empathy reflections.

They each chose a few little antique keys to remember these key connecting statements.

Have a listen to podcast episode 61 to hEAR how I engaged them in that lesson. Could I have sold tickets to it? Not sure, but I left there with a spring in my step, for sure.

Happy harvesting, dear reader. 🌽🌽