Tag: names

Where Everybody Knows Your Name

Barbara Gruener

So today I’m thinking about my name, in part because of the message on my Starbucks cup yesterday. First and foremost, it’s a sweet compliment, for sure. I love my SB baristas and we have such a playful relationship as I frequent the place. Being there actually feels a bit like the 1980’s television sitcom Cheers, when Norm walks through the doors and they all yell, “Norm!“

The magic of those moments made Norm feel like he belonged there, on that same bar stool, where he was among friends! It’s kind of like that when I go to my local Starbucks.

So it makes me feel really special when they write on my cup, a small gesture, I know, but a tiny thing that feels big to me, and I’m grateful.

Now, here’s where the conflict comes in. You know what a barb is, right? I looked it up and capture a screen shot, so we can see why Barb isn’t my first choice.

I touch on it in Birdie & Mipps, when Mipps asks if Birdie is a nickname for Barbara.

To be fair, it is a common practice in Wisconsin (perhaps all of the midwest?) to shorten names; in my family of origin Timothy became Tim, Barbara was Barb and Debra went by Deb. That’s just how it was, really until I moved to Texas and my mentor Cynthia called me Barbara. It sounded so elegant, so Southern, so fancy when she’d say it, and for the first time in almost three decades, I liked the sound of my name, which didn’t sound like a barb on a fence when Cynthia said it.

So, in my 30s, I changed it back to Barbara. But close family and friends, especially those from back home, still call me Barb and that’s endearing, but when I meet someone new, I don’t care to be known as Barb.

Monikers matter, so if you meet a Barbara, instead of dropping three letters from her name, ask her first if she goes by Barbara, Barb, Barbie or something else. It’ll honor her in ways you may not be able to imagine, until you get the backstory.

It just feels good to hang out with people who know your {preferred} name.

Names Are Important

Barbara Gruener

Today I’m grateful for this quick conversation with John Norlin on the CharacterStrong podcast about Leadership Rule number one: Names are important. What bliss it was to reconnect with him and talk about the importance of names and the respectful and kind use of nicknames.

Toward the end of this episode, John, the co-founder of CS, asked for a reminder for our listeners, so I said, “Empathy gives kindness its why.” We had run out of time to unpack that much further, but in an author visit in WI on Monday, I was able to share with a group of 4th-grade empathy heroes why this glorious virtue is so important.

Before we started our read-aloud, I introduced my son Jacob, who’d be playing the role of Mipps. I asked our listeners which message seemed more meaningful: This is our new student Jacob; please remember to welcome him the Howard Way and be kind to him. OR This is our new friend, Jacob, who is visiting from Texas because his Grandma just died. He’s missing his family, who didn’t get to travel with him for the funeral. Let’s remember to give him a warm welcome, the Howard way, and treat him with kindness.

Before I even finished asking the question, these budding authors were putting up two fingers to signal that the second scenario seemed more meaningful and sustainable. And they were right! When we step into one another’s story to find out why they need our compassion and how they’d like us to show up, then the connection is deeper and the chances of its longer-lasting impact increase.

Before I turned the last page as we finished the story, a boy’s hand shot up to tell me that he’d noticed that every page has a red bird. When I asked the group what that male American cardinal is said to represent, one student guessed that it was there because of the nickname Birdie. Good guess, but it goes deeper than that. It was a girl all the way in back who shared with her friends that it means that someone who has passed away is near. I asked her to repeat that before posing the question, “so whom do you think passed away?” There was a collective gasp when I shared that my brother, Mipps, had died from a heart attack and that authors often use writing as a therapeutic resource, a way to process uncomfortable, big feelings.

Before they went back to class, each learner got to choose their own vintage empaKEY, to help them remember to always treat everybody with empathy, compassion, kindness and respect.

On our way home, we stopped at Green Isle Park to breathe in the beauty of my favorite season.

Then we headed to WayMorr Park, near the family farm. Isn’t Autumn in rural Wisconsin the perfect orange backdrop for Unity day?

We brought back some of these incredible colors for a gardening club at my former elementary school; what joy we had collecting these breathtaking treasures. Oh how I wish I could bottle that scent!

And just like with people, each of these leaves is its only unique, colorful creation, even the ones that come from the same tree.

Happy Fall, dear reader; thank you for continuing to remind our future, the children, about leadership lesson number one, that names matter. Why? Because they help make us … us!