Tag: nicknames

Where Everybody Knows Your Name

Barbara Gruener

So today I’m thinking about my name, in part because of the message on my Starbucks cup yesterday. First and foremost, it’s a sweet compliment, for sure. I love my SB baristas and we have such a playful relationship as I frequent the place. Being there actually feels a bit like the 1980’s television sitcom Cheers, when Norm walks through the doors and they all yell, “Norm!“

The magic of those moments made Norm feel like he belonged there, on that same bar stool, where he was among friends! It’s kind of like that when I go to my local Starbucks.

So it makes me feel really special when they write on my cup, a small gesture, I know, but a tiny thing that feels big to me, and I’m grateful.

Now, here’s where the conflict comes in. You know what a barb is, right? I looked it up and capture a screen shot, so we can see why Barb isn’t my first choice.

I touch on it in Birdie & Mipps, when Mipps asks if Birdie is a nickname for Barbara.

To be fair, it is a common practice in Wisconsin (perhaps all of the midwest?) to shorten names; in my family of origin Timothy became Tim, Barbara was Barb and Debra went by Deb. That’s just how it was, really until I moved to Texas and my mentor Cynthia called me Barbara. It sounded so elegant, so Southern, so fancy when she’d say it, and for the first time in almost three decades, I liked the sound of my name, which didn’t sound like a barb on a fence when Cynthia said it.

So, in my 30s, I changed it back to Barbara. But close family and friends, especially those from back home, still call me Barb and that’s endearing, but when I meet someone new, I don’t care to be known as Barb.

Monikers matter, so if you meet a Barbara, instead of dropping three letters from her name, ask her first if she goes by Barbara, Barb, Barbie or something else. It’ll honor her in ways you may not be able to imagine, until you get the backstory.

It just feels good to hang out with people who know your {preferred} name.

Names Are Important

Barbara Gruener

Today I’m grateful for this quick conversation with John Norlin on the CharacterStrong podcast about Leadership Rule number one: Names are important. What bliss it was to reconnect with him and talk about the importance of names and the respectful and kind use of nicknames.

Toward the end of this episode, John, the co-founder of CS, asked for a reminder for our listeners, so I said, “Empathy gives kindness its why.” We had run out of time to unpack that much further, but in an author visit in WI on Monday, I was able to share with a group of 4th-grade empathy heroes why this glorious virtue is so important.

Before we started our read-aloud, I introduced my son Jacob, who’d be playing the role of Mipps. I asked our listeners which message seemed more meaningful: This is our new student Jacob; please remember to welcome him the Howard Way and be kind to him. OR This is our new friend, Jacob, who is visiting from Texas because his Grandma just died. He’s missing his family, who didn’t get to travel with him for the funeral. Let’s remember to give him a warm welcome, the Howard way, and treat him with kindness.

Before I even finished asking the question, these budding authors were putting up two fingers to signal that the second scenario seemed more meaningful and sustainable. And they were right! When we step into one another’s story to find out why they need our compassion and how they’d like us to show up, then the connection is deeper and the chances of its longer-lasting impact increase.

Before I turned the last page as we finished the story, a boy’s hand shot up to tell me that he’d noticed that every page has a red bird. When I asked the group what that male American cardinal is said to represent, one student guessed that it was there because of the nickname Birdie. Good guess, but it goes deeper than that. It was a girl all the way in back who shared with her friends that it means that someone who has passed away is near. I asked her to repeat that before posing the question, “so whom do you think passed away?” There was a collective gasp when I shared that my brother, Mipps, had died from a heart attack and that authors often use writing as a therapeutic resource, a way to process uncomfortable, big feelings.

Before they went back to class, each learner got to choose their own vintage empaKEY, to help them remember to always treat everybody with empathy, compassion, kindness and respect.

On our way home, we stopped at Green Isle Park to breathe in the beauty of my favorite season.

Then we headed to WayMorr Park, near the family farm. Isn’t Autumn in rural Wisconsin the perfect orange backdrop for Unity day?

We brought back some of these incredible colors for a gardening club at my former elementary school; what joy we had collecting these breathtaking treasures. Oh how I wish I could bottle that scent!

And just like with people, each of these leaves is its only unique, colorful creation, even the ones that come from the same tree.

Happy Fall, dear reader; thank you for continuing to remind our future, the children, about leadership lesson number one, that names matter. Why? Because they help make us … us!

That Joyful-Gasp Feeling

Barbara Gruener

Today I’m excited about and grateful for thoughtful friends.

Just last week, I got a text from my friend, the amazing Sarah Flier, school counselor extraordinaire up in Wisconsin. This past May, she invited me to visit their school for their Young Authors’ Day celebration and she was kind enough to not only kick off her school year by reading Birdie & Mipps, but also follow-up with these kind words:

The gasp and “You got her new book?!?!!!!!!” from each class was so sweet – from 1st graders all the way to 5th! They loved it and our conversation about nicknames and respecting each other was especially sweet.

The gasp. I know it well and it’s something that I miss now that I’m not in the schools as much anymore. But I can still hear it. And I can still feel it. And it still makes my heart happy.

Another thing that makes my heart happy is getting priority mail in my mailbox.

And this particular care package has serendipity written all over it. It’s from my friend and superstar counselor, Tanya Kirschman, up in Montana. She was out shopping the other day when these earrings with a cardinal on them chirped at her. No seriously, that’s what she said. They called her by name and she simply had to get them for me. When she texted to inquire whether I wear earrings, and I said that my ears are no longer pierced, she invited her daughter Hope to upcycle the jewelry into something useful for me. Without knowing that we recently traded in our old, 2008 van for a sporty new Subaru, Hope fashioned those earrings into this keychain and a rear-view mirror chain. Opening that special delivery made my soul sing.

And if that wasn’t enough serendipity, here’s another gasp-worthy story. When we were cleaning out my mother-in-law’s office to get her house ready to sell, I found her hardcover copy of Mr. Quigley’s Keys, complete with her notes from when she read it to her sorority sisters last summer. I decided it would become my travel copy, so that a part of her would be with me at author visit, which freed up my former travel copy, in the event someone would need one. Sure enough, not even a week later, yet another incredible school counselor, Lauren Boyher, from San Antonio, sent a text to say she was planning an empathy lesson and wanted to know where the best place to buy a copy of Keys would be. As luck would have it …

… I just happen to have a “pay it forward” copy that I can add to tomorrow’s shipment. Isn’t is fun when serendipitous happy accidents find you?

Finally, this five-star review on Amazon feels positively affirming; thank you, Carol, for your thoughtful endorsement of Birdie & Mipps.

Your kind feedback gives me that joyful-gasp feeling.

Seed Money

Barbara Gruener

It’s no secret that I think about my little brother Mipps a lot, but August finds me especially melancholy because it marks the anniversary of the saddest day of our lives, the day he died.

Today, I’m thinking back 13 years, to a conversation I had with him at our pool when he came for a visit. I blogged the entire account back in 2011 {here}. Here’s a portion of the letter that came in the mail a few weeks later.

Seed money. Hmmmm. I’d not heard that term before, but I liked the idea behind it, to help put some skin in the game, if you will. Jacob did end up matching his FUNcle’s funds and ended up having a great time in Germany.

So I’ve decided that I’m starting a Seed-Money Scholarship with the proceeds from our book. In fact, I’ve already chosen our first recipient, an incoming senior in high school whose passion is infectious, whose work ethic is inspiring, and who shows up positively vivacious, wherever she goes. Simply put, she reminds me of Mipps.

So here’s how it’s going to work. I sent the first installment to her via Venmo today. When she works to earn a matching amount, I will send her the next installment. It’s that easy! If book sales don’t keep up, no worries; she’ll still receive her full scholarship.

I cannot wait to see the fruits of our investment in this compassionate, driven world-changer.

Oh, and, for fun as I work to keep sadness at bay, I recorded a read-aloud of the book, so you, dear reader, could hear it aloud how I heard it in my head when I was writing it.

Happy reading!

Take The Shot

Barbara Gruener

Today I’m grateful for the opportunity to sign all of these books for the school family that my intern from 2014 is joining.

That’s right, dear reader; she earned her degree in school counseling a decade ago, when my first book came out, and she has persisted for ten years through one rejection after another, continuing to touch lives as a classroom teacher with passion and verve until the right counseling position opened up for her.

P is for Perseverance, one of the chapters in What’s Under Your Cape?, so as a gift, to celebrate my intern and friend, I signed a copy for each one of her new faculty and staff.

To add an element of engagement and fun, I signed them in groups of five with matching inscriptions, so that she can give them out in a faculty meeting and challenge them to form a five-some by finding the people with the same inscription OR she can randomly put them in the staff boxes with the challenge to find their group among their peers (without using email) for a mini-poster prize.

I even found one first-printing copy in my stash and told her that I’d do an author visit for the staff member who figures out that they have that book. It gave me so much joy to meet her at Starbucks yesterday and show her how proud I am of her! Talk about stick-to-it-tiveness! Michael Jordan once said that he missed 100% of the shots that he didn’t take; Krystle took a lot of shots and missed, but chatting with her yesterday was like oxygen because she knows that this school was worth all of the blocked shots along the way as well as the wait to find her family.

Congrats, Krystle; I’m so very proud of you.

I’m also thinking about a shot as in a photograph today as I think back through the years to all of the times that I’ve played paparazzi. I’ve been intrigued by cameras and photography since I got my first camera back in the 6th grade from collecting Bazooka bubble gum comics. No joke. Before I got my Bazooka treasure, my mom used one of those boxy cameras to capture precious moments like this one from winter of 1971, with this calf named Betsy.

Some fifty-plus years later, I still love these little babies.

As a young teacher, I used a film camera to take pictures of my students; when my mom came to visit in 1989, she took the camera and snapped this shot of my classroom and me.

During my days as a school counselor, I carried a digital camera and then ultimately my iPhone, to capture Character Cam moments.

I’m so grateful for every single shot I took and had taken, because I’m so aware that you never know when it’ll be your last chance at that particular shot. Here’s a cherished moment from our siblings reunion weekend, just weeks before Mipps died. Am I ever glad we took that shot!

When I was a teenager, we got this cool shot, on the family farm in front of a silo that’s no longer there. It was the summer of 1978 and I’d been away in Chicago serving as a nanny, so my little brothers were happy to have their sister back home. You know what’s kind of weird, though? Mipps is wearing the number 53, which is exactly how many years we’d have him in our family before God called him home. Again, I’m so grateful for this photo memory.

In fact, rarely have I ever said, “Gosh, why did I take that shot?”

So today I challenge you to stay in the moment and be where your feet are, even as you freeze frame that moment in time, which so quickly becomes the shot that helps you keep those memories alive even after that season has come and gone.

And if ever it feels like you’ll never get your shot, be like Krystle and keep on shooting!

My Little Mippers

Barbara Gruener

Today I’m excited about Mr. Quigley’s Keys making its way to Nicaragua; here’s a picture of my Aunt Karen reading the Spanish version to these engaged and eager learners. My little Mippers would absolutely LOVE this, were he here to experience the magic.

It’s bringing up memories of Mipps and the myriad Nicaragua visits he made over the years, to build homes and help better their lives. He wrote about those experiences {here}.

Mark (Mipps) grew up the last of five children to a farming family in Wayside, WI. I was seven when he arrived on the scene to complete and forever change the face of our family. He was a doll baby and my sister, Debra, and I had fun helping mom and dad raise him. Here we are in 1972 or so, the year that Dad won Outstanding Young Farmer for our state, in a professional shot in a frame dad handcrafted from old barn wood.

About that time, a team from PBS reached out to see if we would let them film a segment for the increasingly popular television show, Wisconsin Our Home. Dad agreed and our adorable little Mippers stole the show; isn’t he precious?

Like me, Mipps took pride in showing his cattle at the Brown County Fair. Aren’t those white show pants such a fresh and polished look? He loved being around animals, big and small.

It was kind of a running joke in Nicaragua that he didn’t really go there to build houses so much as to talk with the people and play with the puppies, the kittens and the kids.

His absence has left a huge hole in our hearts; what a gift to be able to share tidbits from time to time from the legacy of connection and love that he left in and for us.

Oh, and I’m pretty excited to share that his home-building friends from the volunteer squad are starting an English program down in Nicaragua in Mark’s name in the very near future. Sigh.

“This Treasured Tribute”

Barbara Gruener

Today I’m feeing grateful and honored by this heartfelt feedback from a passionate author, educator, and friend up in Canada whom I adore and admire so much.

Here’s a peek at the resource pages she’s referencing.

Not only did Mrs. Mac post these kind words of affirmation on Facebook, but her beautiful 4th-grade daughter also served on our First-Look Focus Team.

Here’s what Sadie had to say about our passion project: This book helped me to see that we all have precious names that deserve to be honoured and that it is ok to tell someone if you don’t want to be called by a nickname even though it is one your family might use. I like when my family calls me Sadie Pie but not when people that don’t know me do, just like Mipps.

Perfection! What are you grateful for today?

Enriching Birdie & Mipps

Barbara Gruener

Mom’s first question when she met her great granddaughter was “What’s her name?“

Her name is Leah Odette, but for now, she’s also affectionately known by the nicknames Nugget, Nuggs, Sweet Pea, Cutie Pie, Leah Bean and Leah Bear. It’s not likely that those will stick as she ages and it is likely that she’ll have an opinion about which nicknames, if any, she’d like for us to use, a topic that Birdie & Mipps tackles by talking our readers through self-advocacy, kindness and respect.

Sesame Street also has a few clips that address the importance of names {The Name Song, Your Name Is Very Important, and Our Names Are Special} that you can share before or after your Birdie & Mipps read-aloud, to enrich your discussion.

Use these clips to cultivate self-awareness and caring connections as your learners share how their parents/caregivers chose their names, what their nickname (if they have one) is, and what name, if any, they really like or wish they had. Invite them to create a bumper sticker, T-shirt logo, or PSA showcasing their name and what it symbolizes to them and what they want it to stand for or mean to the world.

Then compare and contrast these titles around this timeless topic.

For other ideas, check out the enrichment pages in the back of our book.

Be creative and enJOY the synergy as you step into and get acquainted with one another’s stories.

Together Is My Favorite Place

Barbara Gruener

After a long day of travel yesterday, I’m back home and reflecting on an incredible journey home. First up, a visit to my mom, to read Birdie & Mipps to her. Since she’s battling dementia, I wasn’t sure how it would go and as I reflect, I deeply felt the depth and width of her words: I don’t know why but this is making me feel really sad.

I explained to her that it was really sad, that Mipps is her little boy, and that he’d died a few years ago, but that it was also happy because a part of his story is now in our book, and that’s when she said, “Well, I’d really like to have a book like this.” Sigh.

And in that moment, I realized how important it was to always carry an extra copy.

Next up, off to visit my Aunt Elaine, who just turned 91. Since our youngest son, Joshua, and his wife, Ariana, were with us, I asked them to read the book aloud in the roles of Birdie & Mipps.

Here’s a snippet of them reading one of my favorite pages. What’s your favorite page?

Then, my mom got to meet her great granddaughter, a precious moment indeed.

What joy fills my heart to be together in this four-generation picture.

And finally, the reason for our trek home: To gather for Tanner and Callie’s big day. So blessed to stand with Tanner’s other two Godmothers in this shot.

Mipps was represented at the memorial table; Tanner wrote such a beautiful tribute.

In our family picture, Jacob is wearing Mipps’ jacket and one of his ties; Joshua is sporting one of his ties as well. Our Dad made this beautiful cross centerpiece for the wedding ceremony.

Together truly is my favorite place to be.

Mom’s Choice Gold Award

Barbara Gruener

So yesterday, in the midst of hurricane Beryl’s fierce and frightening fury on our town, this great news popped into my inbox …

… that Birdie & Mipps has earned a Mom’s Choice Gold Award.

We are SO very grateful to the committee of decision-makers at MCA for honoring us with this distinction. Happy July, dear reader; thank you for celebrating this milestone marker with us!