For as long as I can remember, I’ve been a writer. My earliest memory is that my first-and-second grade teacher, Miss Natzke, used writing as a behavior-management strategy, to get me to quit interrupting her. Writing is, after all, just talking on paper. And I’m still so grateful.
I’ve got diaries that date back to elementary school and countless letters from coveted pen-pal friendships. Not only was writing a vehicle to whisk me away off of the family farm to the outside world, but it became a therapeutic resource for my personal and professional reflection and growth.
Today, my heart remembers my colleague Jim Fazen, the English teacher who mentored me in my first year out of college, forty years ago. I only stayed at that school one year, but we stayed friends (and Pen Pals) for four decades, until his passing earlier this year. As I think through the things I wish I’d have known all those years ago as a newbie educator under Jim’s tutelage, I’ve decided to update a Dear-Me letter I first drafted a dozen years ago.
Dear Me {Version 2.3},
Congratulations on becoming a teacher; what excitement and pride you must feel at the prospect of positively nourishing and nurturing, stretching and shaping the hearts and minds of our future even as you help them acquire English and Spanish skills.
As you start out, think about what you want former students to say about you at your retirement party and spend your days doing exactly that. Maybe it’ll be something like “She always smiled at us!” or “I love the way she made us feel.” Make those things a part of your daily routine. Be intentional. Make sure that people who cross your path know that they matter to you, because in the end, what will matter most are the connections and relationships that you’ve made and helped foster. They might even say something like this: I want to be just like you when I grow up. Crazy, right? True story: They are always watching you. Be the role model they need.
Find a mentor to walk alongside you and be a sounding board as you make your way into the world as a hope-dealer. Be a lifelong learner. Ask questions, lots of them, even when your counseling mentor says “I didn’t take you to raise.” Don’t take that too seriously; she really does love helping you be your best self. Soak in the wisdom of those who have gone before you. Then, when you’re ready, return the favor and be the mentor. Resist the urge to go it alone; there’s so much more strength in collaboration. Don’t forget that you have to teach people how to treat you. Make sure to do whatever it takes to advocate for yourself and communicate your needs.
Celebrate who your students are, each one special, each one unique. Work to individualize and differentiate to help them become who they’re meant to be. Give them ownership of their learning by turning some stuff over to them. Ask yourself: Are my lessons for me or for them? Where can I let go of the reigns? How can I foster voice and choice as I equip and empower them? Help them become the kind of leader they would follow, then get out of their way and trust them enough to let them lead.
Get to know your colleagues and their backstories. Listen to understand. Don’t shy away from courageous conversations; it’ll show people that you’re invested and that you care. Sometimes you’ll have to agree to disagree. Confront problems but carefront people. Pick your battles and don’t sweat the small stuff. Trust me; you’ll need your energy for the big stuff.
Reach out to parents and community stakeholders. Invite them to be a part of your school family. Place day-maker phone calls so that they know how excited you are that their child is in your class and what you love about them. Do your level best to see your students through their caregivers’ eyes. Look for ways to make each one your favorite. Sometimes that’ll seem so easy; other times you won’t think there’s anything that could possibly make that child your favorite. Keep looking. Go deeper. Mine for it. It’ll be worth it; you’ll see. They are working in progress, diamonds in the rough. Help polish them until they know they have what it takes to shine like the sun. Even when it’s dark. Especially when it’s dark.Â
Let go of your perfectionistic, people-pleasing tendencies and accept that there will be people who don’t like you and times when you’re going to mess up. It’ s okay. Apologize and forgive willingly. Lavish grace on yourself and others, then celebrate those mistakes as learning opportunities. Stay vulnerable and keep a growth mindset. There’s no obstacle you can’t overcome and no achievement that you can’t accomplish.
Show empathy, compassion and kindness to each and every learner. Step into their stories and be there with them. Sometimes that’ll be easy; other times it’ll be a really sad, sorrowful journey to take, over incredibly rocky terrain, in some shoes battered by trauma, grief and loss. That’s why it’ll be important, really important, that you connect with them, feel with them, help them heal. Then, at the end of the day on those really difficult days, make sure to physically and emotionally close every door between school and home so that their pain doesn’t follow you to the house.
Be passionate about your purpose and enthusiastic about your calling. Work hard to make things fun and engaging for yourself, your students and your school family, but don’t say yes to every opportunity that comes your way. You get about sixteen hours a day and it’s up to you to use that time wisely. Eat healthy foods, get a good night’s sleep, and exercise routinely so you have the physical and emotional stamina to go the distance. Feeding your spiritual side is also critical; consider guided imagery, body scans, nature walks, prayer or yoga stretches.
You cannot serve from an empty vessel, so take good care of yourself, mind, body, heart and soul.
Strive for personal best. Show up on time and be prepared. Dream big but be willing to take baby steps to get there. Patience always pays off. Make it a point to be in the right place at the right time doing the right thing. When you don’t know what that is, ask. Surround yourself with people of good character and they’ll always be there to help you when you get stuck.
Start every day with gratitude and end it satisfied that who you are and what you accomplished is more than enough. Use a mindfulness mantra as a daily touchstone: I’ve done enough. I have enough. I am enough. Keep a gratitude journal and write notes telling people that you’re thankful for them and explaining why. Make thankfulness a verb.
Live generously. Volunteer, serve, and donate. You’ll end up bountifully blessed in ways that you can’t even imagine right now. Savor every minute of these first few years and make the most of this amazing opportunity. Enjoy being the hero that you needed as a child and keep on crusading for good. Above all, your students will remember how they felt when they were in your presence. Light up for them; it’s a gift that will stay with them long after they’re no longer in your class family (even though they will always be yours!).
Finally, keep on singing, dancing, laughing, and praying your way through life. Time is non-refundable and life is too short to not live it wholeheartedly and with unbridled energy and love.
Be blessed as you bless,
Barbara {Version 6.3}
Barbara Gruener 